Living Together Outside of Marriage
Living together outside of marriage is increasingly common today, even among Christians. The wisdom of the day is that living together before getting married is a smart move for finding out whether a couple is compatible or not. Is this true? Is it helpful for couples to live together before they are married? Is it appropriate for Christians to do this?
GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE
(1) A healthy relationship requires commitment and trust. Commitment and trust provide the security for personal and relational growth. Living together is an informal relationship, one based on conditions – if it works, if we are compatible. It is an arrangement of convenience.
God has designed marriage as a covenant (a binding contract) between two people (Malachi 2:14). This covenant is rooted in a promise of lifelong commitment and trust, expressed through public vows witnessed by God and others. In marriage, both partners have the security of knowing they are loved unconditionally and forever. The blessings of marriage can only be realized in the context of this lifelong commitment and trust.
(2) By living together outside of marriage, you are robbing yourself of the joy of a lasting, secure relationship. You are opening yourself to a conditional relationship of convenience (if it works for me). When the relationship goes from “better” to “worse”, you have no assurance that your partner will stick it out with you, and you have no right to expect them to.
(3) Living together apart from marriage is a declaration of independence from God and others. It is an informal agreement, apart from the witness and support of God and others. The Bible warns that unless the Lord builds a house (marriage), the builders work in vain (see Psalm 127:1). A marriage cannot be stable and secure apart from the witness and support of God and others.
Starting a marriage by living together is a very risky step. While by God’s mercy a few have survived it, many have ultimately failed in marriage, starting on this shaky foundation.
OUR WITNESS TO THE WORLD
(4) Marriage is under attack in our society, and Christians must show the way toward healing and happiness in marriage, something that the world is not discovering. When the world sees Christians living as they do, our witness to Christ is weakened, and they are encouraged in their sin.
OUR CONCERN FOR BELIEVERS
(5) Christians are to avoid even the hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3) and the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). We are not to push the limits, as close to sin as we can get without being burned, but to stay as far away as possible. As believers, we endanger ourselves by behaving in a way that is contrary to God’s design.
(6) Also, there are young, impressionable children and youth within the church that are watching, and they are learning from you that the oneness of living together without God and the church community is acceptable.
THE EVIDENCE OF EXPERIENCE
(7) That God’s way – couples joining together in a public covenant ceremony with God and others serving as witnesses and supporters – that this way is the best is evidenced by the experience of many who choose otherwise. The statistics and the stories of those who have lived together demonstrate that marriages built on living together outside of marriage have a great risk of separation and divorce.
CONCLUSION
If you as Christians are considering living together, or if you already now are living together, please take these words to heart. Ask God for His direction, and decide for yourselves whether your present lifestyle is honourable to God and healthy for you. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call Pastor Norm:
Church Office – (905) 985-9307
Home Office – (905) 985-5005
Email – nsennema@sympatico.ca
